Moving Forward: A Birthday Post

I turn another year older, today, and I'm hoping another year wiser too. Since earlier this month, Bianca has been asking me what I wanted for my birthday. She's always feeling generous with me this time of year because all her Christmas money is still mostly intact. I never really ask for anything from her except that she be a good girl, and she gets so frustrated every time I say this. "You say that every year mama! Please ask me for something, anything!"

I guess as I have gotten older, I've been more practical, favoring simple, practical things over fancy gadgets or expensive gifts. Take me grocery shopping at my neighborhood supermarket or health food store, or even the drug store (I'm always buying something in Mercury Drugstore) and I'm a happy camper. Or maybe I'm just boring that way? :)

I am so grateful for all the blessings, both big and small, that the past year has brought me. I wish I could say that I am recovering from my Parkinson's Disease, but I'm not. I feel that I was physically stronger last year. But I will not, and I refuse to dwell on that. I choose instead to move forward and  to focus on what it is that I can do. Whatever I lack in physical strength, God has replaced with an amazing strength in spirit, courage and positive attitude.

During our recent travel, I had to be mostly relegated to a wheelchair while in the airport since I couldn't tackle the long walk from the boarding and arrival gates. I wanted to feel sorry for myself, but I couldn't stop smiling. I was, after all, going on a trip of a lifetime.

Still, there are those days that are especially challenging and frustrating for me when I can't perform even the simplest of tasks. On these such days, I allow myself to sometimes lose my cool. Nobody is perfect. But everyday, as if on cue, God points me in the right direction by giving me a reason to be thankful. And just like that, all the frustrations just fade away.

I am blessed with the unconditional love and unwavering support of my family and friends from whom I draw my strength. Thank you for standing by me. I would also like to express my gratitude to those who have written to me through the blog, for your words of support and encouragement. Thank you for your prayers. I may not know you personally, but I sincerely hope I get the chance to meet all of you someday.

Sharing with you some funny photos of me mustering all my strength to do my infamous jumping shot. Bianca and I couldn't stop laughing because I was failing miserably to get my feet off the ground, and I kept dragging her down with me every time she would attempt to jump. Hahaha!

And here we are, finally both airborne, with me just a few inches above ground. Look at how high, Bianca's jump is. She's such a show off!
My birthday jump was so much better last year. But the Eiffel Tower in the background more than makes up for it, don't you think?!

Thank you, once again, for taking the time to read my birthday post. I enjoin all of you, let's all keep moving forward and seize the day!

Celebrating Life at 95

Our family recently celebrated the 95th birthday of my grandmother who we all lovingly call "Lola Mama". Together with my aunts, uncles and cousins, we planned a special party for her to commemorate this milestone. After all, to be able to mark 95 years with relatively good health is certainly reason to celebrate. 

Being very simple, conservative, and frugal, it came as no surprise to us that my lola would oppose our party plans. The minute she found out that a hotel reservation was made as the venue of her birthday lunch, she immediately called us to cancel the reservation. "Don't fuss over my birthday," and "I'm too old to have a party,"  she repeatedly told us. She would call every night to talk us out of our plans and even threatened us that she wouldn't show up for her own party! Lol. But we insisted, cajoled, and sweet talked, and we eventually got our way.

We knew she was finally convinced because she started nodding in agreement when my sister told her that it is a blessing to be 95 years old with good health and excellent memory, and that we would like to honor this blessing with a special gathering of family and friends. My lola still goes to Sunday mass, spends time walking around and tending to her garden in the morning, keeps herself abreast with current events, and remembers everyone's birthdays too! What an inspiration!

All in the family! 25 grandchildren and 8 great grandchildren. I hope I live long enough to see my great grandkids. But not too soon, Bianca, okay?!? :)

Beautiful inside and out, that's how I would describe my lola. She takes good care of herself and it shows. She always gets compliments for her beautiful skin. See our funny Instagram post here.

My lola got married at the very young age of 19 to my then 33 year old grandfather. She tells me that she wasn't the least bit interested in my lolo because he was so many years older than her. But her family convinced her, saying he was a good man and the right one for her. My lolo was smitten by her and they eventually fell in love, got married, and were blessed with nine children.

They didn't always have an easy life especially during the war when food was scarce, but my lolo worked hard and was a good provider. With the help and support of my lola, they were able to send their children to good schools and they are now all professionals.

My lola became a widow in 1995 and in the subsequent years, lost her three children (including my mom), one after the other to the big C. It was a dark time for our family, but it was my lola's strength and strong faith that kept us united. I myself can't even imagine the thought of losing my own child, but she bore it all with grace and acceptance, and never lost her zest for life. Despite everything, she remained grateful and at peace. Not once did I see anger, resentment or fear. She is truly an inspiration.

I am so happy that her birthday went well and so thankful that we were able to come together as a family to honor her and let her know and feel how special she is to all of us.

We love you so much, Lola Mama!

Dear Bianca

My daughter, Bianca, recently went on a school retreat for three days in Caleruega, Batangas. I wrote her a thank you letter and I'd like to share it with you.

I hardly write about the challenges I face in dealing with my Parkinson's disease. Bianca witnesses the difficulties I face everyday as my disease progresses and I purposely avoid writing about it on our blog because I feel as if I'm rubbing it in and making her suffer more. Sadly, there is no cure yet for Parkinson's, and it being a degenerative condition, my symptoms and medications are increasing as time goes by.

Bianca was only nine years old when I was diagnosed, and she's been selflessly caring for me ever since. She's been my source of strength and inspiration, and this time I want her to get all the credit. I've said before that we put up this blog because we wanted to have a happy place to look back on and as a reminder of how blessed we are despite everything we are going through. 

Life hasn't been easy, but because we have each other, we have love and we have hope.

October 8, 2014

To my dearest Bianca,

I’m always in denial every time I think about how you’re on your last year in high school and how you’ll be entering college soon. I get this happy kind of sad feeling thinking about how far you’ve come and all your accomplishments and how soon, you won’t be needing me around as much anymore because you are clearly on your way to becoming an adult.

You’ve come such a long way and I’m so so so proud of you! I know you have big dreams. Please know that I’m always here to support you, no matter what it takes, I’ll be here to help you make it happen.

Life hasn’t been easy for both of us because of my PD. I know that having a sick mom is hard on you, but despite everything we are going through, you have shown me amazing strength. People always tell me that I am strong. But, the truth is, you are the strong one. For taking care of me without complain, for feeding me my dinner when my hands fail me, for helping me dress up when I’m shaking too much and can’t stand still, for giving me a back massage every time I’m palpitating and for waking up in the middle of the night to cover me up with a blanket when I get the chills.

You’ve always been so protective of me, not wanting others to know what I’m going through because you don’t want me to be misunderstood and criticized for attracting attention because I’m sick. I know it’s difficult for you to listen to me talk about my condition and the reality that we both face. You don’t get asked too often how you’re dealing with caring for me, and I just want others to know of the courage and bravery you show me every day.

I remember when during one of our talks, I told you to be prepared that as my disease progresses, I might suffer from dementia. In a sad, quiet voice you said, “Mama, please don’t ever forget me okay?” It almost broke my heart, that I could cause you so much pain. But, I don’t want to keep you in the dark, and although it’s sometimes hard to accept, we both have to be prepared.

I worry that sometimes you are unhappy, but I see you smile and hear you laugh, and I know that your joy is genuine. Despite, everything, you have remained positive that in God’s perfect time, I will be healed.

My dearest Bianca, I am strong because you are strong. Because of you, I know we will reach all our goals and dreams. Yes, we are going travel together to see the world as we have always planned, we’re building our dream house in the very near future, and we’re both going to be on the cover of Vogue Magazine. Okay, maybe just you on the cover of Vogue, and I can be on the cover of Smart Parenting? Hahaha 

You are the best daughter any mom can ask for. I am so blessed that God put you in my life. You have taught me so much and I can never imagine my life without you.  Once in a while I wonder if you get embarrassed because you have a ‘shaky mama’, but on more than one occasion you came home from school declaring that your friends think I’m a cool mom and I’m mentally giving myself a high five.

Thank you for being my hero. Thank you for everything that you do for me. I wish you a happy, fulfilled life and I pray for your good health always.

Take care of yourself and come home soon. I’ll have your favourite freshly baked cookies waiting for you when you get back. I miss you so much!

With all my love,

Mama